I knew my mom was going in for and waiting on results from a CAT scan. I knew my mother was not 100% in her health, but I couldn't remember a time when she was. So the news Last Monday was, in some ways, not a shock. In some ways it was a relief to know what it was. But the intensity of the illness was a shocker. It was lung cancer.
In talking with my sister about this, both of us recounted how we were in some strange way prepared for this. It was as if we knew a little before the news hit. Nevertheless tears flowed everywhere.
It was interesting being at work alone when I got the news. I was talking to my mom on the phone and it hardly was real. Reality sometimes takes a little while to hit. After her crying and wishing I wasn't 5 large provinces away, we prayed. It was in this prayer that I found strength. I found myself dwelling on the power of Christ. The reality of my one post on prayer hit me. My prayers do not hit the ceiling. They go to a God who loves to hear and answer my prayers.
The next step is waiting (yet another of my posts). Of course, I am not the one with cancer so it is not as intense, but she is my mom. I'll never forget the cry of my sister on the phone when she said, "I can't live without mom." For some, they would sense suicide or depression, but I knew it was simply deep love for our mom. Only our spouses top our connection with mom. She's mom.
We wait for a doctor's appointment and a more thorough diagnosis to better gauge how to treat this cancer.
The first person to hear this news from me was a strong lady of the faith. She in turn prayed for me and soon her husband came after she left. He came with encouragement and a reminder of this being a test of if what I preach is how I react. His gentle, sincere heart spoke to me. Of course I don't remember specifics of what he said anymore or any verse he gave me, but I remember feeling his words and prayer strengthen me.
It was after this that I wept. I felt safe with only family around. Nadine was sad she could not be there for me at that point. But after she was done work I had a chance to cry in her arms too. Grieving bad news is not bad. Its natural and extremely better than holding it in. But now what? I have grieved, so now what do I do. I stand strong in faith and hope with the love that is in me. I must shine God's light into my family.
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